Episode 17 - Everybody Should Go To Therapy

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Hello. Hello, and welcome back to another episode of Emotional Millennial. My name is Annie, and I'm really grateful that you're here today hanging out with me. This podcast is all about sharing authentic thoughts, ideas, vulnerabilities, insecurities, just things that I'm going through that real people deal with that they just don't like to talk about. And here I am, volunteering, and I'm willing to talk about these things because I think it's so important that we share our stories so that we're able to connect and feel like we're not alone.

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Because you aren't alone. It's been a minute since I've had the time to record last weekend. I was on nights, and so this whole past week has just been, like, super weird for me, trying to get back on my normal day to day schedule. I'm the type of person that needs sleep, needs a lot of sleep, and I do well, and I thrive with a routine. And so when that routine is kind of twisted up, everything just kind of seems to go out the window, and I've been sleeping weird hours, but I think I'm finally back on track.

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Hi. I want to talk about therapy today because I finally have gotten back into therapy since my insurance is back and working, and I'm in more of, like, a regular schedule, and so I'm able to schedule therapy more regularly, and I'm just super excited about getting back into it. I feel reinspired, kind of reinvigorated, and I kind of just want to share my experiences with therapy and also just kind of like my general viewpoints of it and why I think that everyone should go to therapy, because I think it's super beneficial. So when I was first diagnosed with anxiety, with panic, I requested to also be given a therapist so that I wasn't just on medication. I think having that multipronged approach toward mental health and toward just anxiety and depression, dealing with that in general, I think it's really important to have someone to talk to about that stuff as well as taking a medication.

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You know, medication is not for everyone, but it was something that I was interested in and that I continue to take on a daily basis. So I actually started therapy before the pandemic, which literally feels like a different lifetime, but I started therapy in person, and that's so weird to think about now. But I had a therapist, and I would go see her, like, every couple of weeks, and it was my first time going to therapy at all. I wasn't really sure what to expect. I definitely was nervous when I first started going, but I've really been lucky with my therapist.

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I've really loved all of them, each individually. Thus far, I've had a total of three. My first one, I really only saw her in person. I think it was only before the pandemic that I created a relationship with her, and we mainly talked about stuff that was going on in my life at that moment because I was in medical school and I was balancing so many different aspects of my life and just trying to honestly get by and stay motivated, stay inspired, and stay on top of my mental health. Medical school is extremely challenging.

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And so she was essentially, like, my support person throughout that time of my life. I would say we spent time talking about my relationships, my family relationships, family dynamic, as well as, like, my living situation and DayToday, like, training to be a healthcare professional, the way that I felt during rotations and, like, battling imposter syndrome, all that good, juicy stuff. But there wasn't a whole bunch of diving into my past or diving into anything other than what was going on in the present moment because I had so much going on in the present moment that we didn't even really have time to go anywhere else, if that makes sense. Eventually, this therapist broke away from the practice that I was receiving medical treatment from, and so she fell out of, like, my insurance plan. It was, like, insanely expensive for one session.

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And so, unfortunately, I had to let that relationship go, which, of course was sad at the time, but it's just the way things go, right? So I asked my practice for another therapist that they think I would pair well with and with this individual. I only had online therapy sessions, so it's weird to think that my second therapist, I had never met her in person a single time. So our relationship was strictly, like, over zoom. And she was the one that was really there for me therapy wise, at least during my time of not getting interviews, during my first eras application round for residency, feeling, like, really inadequate, not feeling good enough, not getting a job, not matching into residency.

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She was the one that was really there for me throughout all of that. And so her and I, we really talked about my battle with depression, I would say. And so kind of digging down and digging deeper, like, why do I have these core root feelings of inadequacy? Like, why have I spent my whole life feeling this way? And, like, why has this become so exacerbated by not matching and not getting a job?

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And so my relationship with her, that was when I first started to look back into my upbringing, looking into my past relationships and just general dynamics of how I saw myself in the world and what I thought my purpose was. Kind of all that stuff, like, going back to my roots and my identity and how the person who I thought I was supposed to be, all that good stuff, her and I got into a lot of discussions about that. However, when I lost my insurance was because I didn't have a job. And so I no longer could afford these therapy sessions because I didn't have insurance, it was all going to be out of pocket. So it's very unfortunate that that lined up with the time when I probably needed it the most.

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So, yeah, that's just kind of like a shitty reality, I guess. I feel like I met with her for over a year, maybe a couple of years, and I built a really great relationship with her. I really liked that she felt like a friend to me. I felt like she knew me really well. And yeah, it was like a very overall positive relationship, I would say.

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So obviously that fell off when I can no longer afford it. And I went this pretty long period of time, the past, like, four years of my life. I'm just very confused. I feel like they all just kind of happened and these timelines are so off, I'm sure, but I'm just trying to go based off my best guess, my best memories. So I've been trying to get back into therapy for a while, finally have insurance again.

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And when you're looking for a therapist, it's so hard. Like, I was looking online at the back of your insurance card. That's where you can find these details, by the way. And I was looking for a therapist in my network. I knew I wanted to do someone who was online, only worked with, like, young adults, like young women, and had experience with anxiety and depression.

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And I wanted it to be somebody that could remain a part of my life for at least the next few years, at least throughout all of residency. Like, I want to remain with the same person. And so that first therapy appointment, it's like a little bit nerve wracking because I do feel like since I am so introspective and self aware, I'm also very aware of, like, other people in their body language and, like, how they're perceiving me and the way that they're reacting to the things that I'm saying. So I don't want to say, like, I'm judgmental. I think I'm very hyper aware.

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And so I was nervous going into this first meeting. I was like, I hope that this person sees me for who I am and they don't see me as just a patient. And I do think that's what most of us want when we're seeing a provider. Like, we want to be seen for who we are. We want to be accepted for who we are.

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I think that's, like, really important. So I was actually on my inpatient pediatrics rotation and I had to find a time where I could meet with my therapist and I did it during my lunch break. So I just went into the on call room for whoever the pediatrician is at the time in the hospital. And it was actually really nice. My co resident just was like, yeah, I'll cover the pager for this.

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45 minutes to an hour teamwork makes a dream work and they let me kind of go and be alone and have this initial session with my therapist. And so I was just, like, literally on my phone FaceTiming her. And I was so freaking happy with the individual that I was matched up with, like, immensely grateful. So our first session went incredibly well, and I was really excited to meet with her again. I've now had two sessions with her.

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The second one, I think I literally cried twice because I could just tell that she was really listening to everything that I was saying. And I felt very seen by her, and I felt like she did a really great job of reading between whatever lines of things that I was talking about. And so she was able to make conclusions and create connections and patterns and some of my thoughts that I had never seen before, which is pretty wild because I'm constantly thinking about the way I think and the way that I feel. And so I really appreciated that she was able to see so much more that I wasn't able to see. And I made sure that I verbalize that to her and I told her how grateful I was and that I thought she was doing such an incredible job.

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And so at this point right now, I'm just, like, really excited to continue my relationship with her and continue our sessions. So, yeah, super cool. So moving on. Enough about me and my experiences. Just therapy in general, I feel like is so beneficial to each and every individual.

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I think it's something where it won't be helpful or beneficial for a person until they are totally okay with it and they are the person who's seeking it out and being like, yeah, this is something I want to do. For me, if someone's going to therapy just because they're like, oh, I need to do this because someone else told me to do this and I'm checking a box, I don't necessarily think you're going to get the same experience out of it, but for people who don't want to go to therapy or they're like, I don't need that, whatever. I always wonder, why do you feel that way? Like, why are you so against receiving the help? I think it's important to be able to know you can't do everything on your own.

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And to ask for help or to ask for just like, a third party perspective can be incredibly helpful. Like, to even just get the perspective of someone who has no idea who you are, they don't know the way you treat others and all that stuff. They can just step back and provide a viewpoint that maybe you've never even thought about before. And I think that can be such an incredible tool for someone who's looking to better their life or better themselves. And I know that not everyone is the same.

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Not everyone wants to better themselves. Not everyone really cares enough. And that's okay. Maybe you're not ready to do that. Maybe you're not.

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At that point, the way I live my life is that I'm constantly trying to be a better person, or I'm constantly trying to better who I am, not just for myself, but for the people in my life and for my patients. And that's really what motivates me to go to therapy for the other people in my life and then also for me and for my happiness. Once you felt depression, you really don't want to feel that way again. And so to try and figure out ways to prevent that or maybe altering your own perspective so that you can see things more clearly or just feel better in general about your life, I think that can be super powerful. And therapy isn't, like, a bad thing.

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It's not like you're desperate and you're reaching out and you're like, I am, like, so broken, and I have no idea what's going on with anything, and I need help. It doesn't have to be that in most of the cases. It's not that I think therapy is just a tool that a lot of people can utilize to just become a better version of themselves. And I think that's how, as a society, we should start looking at it instead of thinking about it. Like, oh, that person's crazy, and they need to talk to someone about their problems.

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Because the truth is, most people in our society have no idea how to talk about their problems. They don't even know what their problems are. And I don't think ignorance is bliss in that. I think it's important to become aware of areas of your life that may be lacking in ways that you can enrich your life, so that you can be happier with who you are and with your relationships. I guess what I'm trying to say is therapy isn't just for people who are super depressed and can't function or I don't know, whatever judgments that our society places on people who go to therapy.

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I think therapy should be for everyone. I think if everyone went to therapy, our world would probably be a better place. And I know that there are so many barriers to going to therapy. I know it can be expensive. I know if you don't have insurance, it's not accessible to everyone.

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And I hope that that does change. I really do. But for those of you who have the resources, who have the means to go to therapy, ask yourself, why are you so opposed to it? Like, really look inward and ask. Because more than likely, it's that you have some pre conceived judgments about people who go to therapy.

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And I'm challenging you to get rid of those judgments because it's simply not true. The goal of therapy is, like, to just become more self aware and improve who you are as a person, at least from my perspective. That's how I feel about therapy. And that's been my experience with it. And if anything, it's just like creating a new relationship, creating a new friend, a new person who can help you to improve your life.

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Even after just these two therapy sessions that I've had with my new therapist, I feel like a weight lifted off of me and I feel excited for the next time I get to meet with her. And now that I know I'm going to therapy actively, it's actually motivating me in my head to be more on top of certain aspects of my life. At the end of my sessions, I like to set goals or talk about things for next time, and I jot down a couple of things on like, a sticky note, and then those thoughts kind of linger in my mind until the next time I have a session. Something else that it kind of forces me to do is like, even more self reflection day to day. And I'll take notes in my phone, like on the notes app if there's certain things I want to talk about that I forgot about.

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So that when the therapy session comes up, I pull it up and I'm like, oh yeah, I wanted to talk about this. And don't get me wrong, the first few sessions of therapy, for anyone who's never gone before, it's probably going to feel a little weird. But just like anything else, once you start to do something, it becomes easier the more you do it. And I think that as a society, so many of us, especially like Millennials Boomers, and probably a lot of gen z too, honestly have been so, like, emotionally neglected for our entire lives that we don't even know how to handle or deal with our emotions. And therapy is a tool that we can utilize to really help us get on top of that and to feel more in control of our mental health and who we are on a day to day basis.

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I love therapy, if that wasn't obvious enough already. And I hope that me word vomiting and talking about my experiences with therapy and what I feel you can get out of it. Maybe it's inspired you to check it out yourself. And if you have questions or if you want to know more about my own personal experiences with therapy, please reach out to me. My email is theemotionillennial@gmail.com also transcripts for every single one of my episodes is available on EmotionalMillennial.com.

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I hope you enjoyed this episode today. I hope you liked listening to my experiences and my thoughts about therapy in general. I really do believe that everyone should go to therapy. And if you choose to go to therapy, I would love to hear about your experiences too. Okay?

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I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day, week, whatever it is for you. You are amazing. You are not alone. You matter, and so does your voice. Bye.