Episode 1 - Welcome to the Emotional Millennial!

Full Transcript:

(00:00)

Hello, hello, and welcome to the Emotional Millennial Podcast. My name is Annie, and I am so excited that you're here today with me. To be completely honest, I have no idea what I'm doing, but I'm very hopeful that this will turn out into something good. And of course, now that the mic is on, I'm so nervous that I have nothing to say. So I'm just going to pretend that I'm talking to myself because essentially, that's what I'm doing anyway.

(00:26)

And honestly, how I spend most of my days, I spend a lot of time talking to myself. So here we go. Not nervous at all. So the reason that I wanted to start this podcast stems from something that happened to me over the last year. I went through an extremely painful experience, and I didn't really feel like I had people to relate to or people to understand what I was going through.

(00:55)

So I felt extremely isolated, just very alone, very sad. I went through a very long period of depression, and I realized nobody talks about it. And it makes me so sad because so many of us, especially right now during the pandemic, are seriously struggling with mental health. I remember actually listening to a different podcast more recently. I think it was one of Bernee Brown's, and she was interviewing somebody who was talking about surveys that they're taking from different College campuses.

(01:31)

And 40% of College students responded that they are too depressed to function. And that absolutely shocked me because that should not be the case. And the fact that so many people are suffering alone is just horrible. And so I'm here because I'm no longer not talking about it. And that's kind of what the tagline is for this podcast.

(01:57)

It's what I've been envisioning ever since last year. So let me tell you a little bit of my story now. So I recently graduated medical school in May of 2021. Unfortunately, though, I found out in March of 2021 that I did not match into a residency position. I applied to Obstetrics and Gynecology residency positions, and I was very sad and disappointed to not match into a position.

(02:28)

You know, I worked my whole life to have that be my final destination. And so when I didn't reach that, it kind of really made me take a step back and reevaluate myself personally and professionally. And also I just realized that the life I was living was not in alignment with who I was. And that was really hard to realize. It was really sad.

(02:56)

I kind of felt like my entire identity was rooted in me being a physician. And so when I didn't have that anymore, I felt worthless.

(03:10)

I'm doing better now, and so that's why I'm able to talk about it. But it was really hard. And so when I didn't match sorry, this is taking me a little bit longer than I anticipated. It's hard. There's so many moving parts to the story that I'm sure I'll fill all of you in on later on at some point.

(03:32)

But when I first didn't match, I remember being at an Airbnb home because my family is incredible during match day, which is like a Friday, and everyone opens where they matched at all at the same time and everyone's screaming and excited and blah, blah. I dreamt of that moment my entire life and didn't get to experience that, so that's exciting. But I remember being on the beach on Western Michigan and I honestly don't even remember what city we were in because I was so not present during this entire vacation. It was basically just a getaway because I couldn't stand being in the area because I was just so freaking sad. Regardless, I was writing and I was on the beach and I was looking out into the water and I thought to myself, what is this?

(04:27)

What am I doing? I wanted to become a doctor because the most important thing to me is to help other people. And I know that sounds so stupid, but I genuinely care about other people in this world so much. And I just wanted to, I don't know, be the best version of myself, work so hard to get to this place where I feel like I'm really contributing to the community where I feel really fulfilled. And I was staring out into the water and I'm like, I feel horrible.

(05:02)

I don't feel fulfilled. And let's say I did match into a position I would have just been working so hard in what I have even been fulfilled. Then I guess what I kind of realized is that medicine ad. It's not what I thought it would be. There is this whole other part of me that searching for fulfillment.

(05:22)

And I don't think that medicine is going to fill up that hole. And that's sad. That's really sad, because my whole life, I firmly believed that medicine would not only fill that hole, but, like, overflow it with love and joy and happiness. And so to see where I am now, you know, that was hard. I realized that I spent my entire life seeking out meaning in the things that I was doing.

(05:59)

And I decided that day that instead of seeking out meaning in my life, I was going to start making meaning in my own way. And that's kind of how this podcast got its legs. The other aspect of my life that has driven me to pursue this podcast is the fact that I don't feel like I have a safe space on the Internet to express myself, express my emotions, have real, authentic conversations with other people who genuinely care about me and who are not just going to attack me and misunderstand each other. And I don't know. I really hate to watch the news.

(06:45)

Every time I go to my parents'house, I swear the news is on the background and I'm like, can We Mute It, can We Turn It Off? Just Horrible, Horrible Energy, In My Opinion. And The Same Thing Goes With Facebook And Honestly, Most Other Social Media Platforms. I've Spent This Past Year, I've Been Really, Really Avoiding Social Media, And In Some Ways, It Keeps Me Disconnected From The World, Which Is Unfortunate, But I Genuinely Don't Feel That I Can Express Myself On There And Be Vulnerable There. It's Just So Toxic.

(07:18)

It's Just So Sad. People Are So Judgmental. And, Like, I Wanted To Create The Space So That Other People Can Feel Comfortable To Talk About The Things That Matter To Them, Most Things That Make Them Who They Are. These Are The Things That Are Important. These Are The Things We Should Be Talking About, But We're Not.

(07:38)

So I Want To Open That Conversation. I Want To Open That Door, And I Want People To Feel Seen, To Feel Heard, To Feel Like They're Cared About. That's What I Thought Medicine Would Give To Me. But Unfortunately, It Doesn't Seem To Be Doing That, At Least Not Yet. So We'll See How That Goes.

(07:58)

So Basically, I'm Still Intending On Being A Physician. Knock On Wood. But I'm Hoping To Match Into A Family Medicine Residency Position This Upcoming March. Once Again, Knock On Wood. I Now Realize That Anything Is Possible.

(08:14)

So, yes, this Episode Has Been Messy. I'm Not Even Fully Sure How Long This Thing Is About To Be, But I'm Excited. I'm Nervous. Please Be Patient With Me. I Think This Is The Start Of A Really Wonderful Journey Of Connection, Growing Personal Growth, Learning About Each Other, Understanding Each Other, Expanding Our Perspectives.

(08:47)

Moral Of The Story Is, I'm No Longer Not Talking About It. I'm no Longer Not Talking About My Depression, My Anxiety, The Things That Have Happened To Me That Made Me Feel Ashamed When I Should Not Feel Ashamed, But It's The Way That Our Culture Makes US Feel And Puts US In That Position. Let's Do This Thing. Welcome To The Emotional Millennial, And I'm Excited To, I Don't Know, Connect With You Guys. Thank You So Much For Listening.

(09:23)

If You Are Still Listening. Once Again, My Name Is Annie, And I'm Really Looking Forward To this.

(09:37)

All Right, Well, I Think That's All That I Have For You Guys Today. I Just Wanted This First Episode To Be Kind Of Like An Introduction, Get To Know Me A Little Bit, And Also Just Getting To Know Where I'm Coming From And Why I Am Working On This Project. So Please Stick Around For The Journey. Thank You So Much For Taking The Time To Listen And Be Here With Me. Please Know That You Are Not Alone.

(10:04)

I Care About You, And Your Voice matters.